Oh, you're not talking about Christmas bells...

As the holidays draw close and family draws near, so many time honored traditions come into mind…
Football filled hours and screams of joy and dislike
Packing up the car to head to the mall for a day of shopping
Tiptoeing through the memories and photo albums of years past
And my favorite…The analysis of my singlehood and general lack of grandchildren

I’ve done some reading today, sparked by an article I saw on MSN and decide to prepare with an arsenal of retorts.
I’ve done some research and I think I’ll keep these in the forefront. Perhaps after the 5th glass of wine, something wittier and family scarring may make it’s way out, but until then…
Join me if you will and please, share your thoughts and wisdom as well – it’s most welcome!

[said with spanish accent] "Ayi Magui, why have you not been married?"

[said with typical Maggi charm] ‘No one has been smart enough to ask me yet’
Thank you for recognizing how high my standards are,’
“I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss America”
“Ya know, God’s single”
“I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo-doll rituals.’”
“One thing at a time. Let me get the sex change first.”
‘Because a couple of years ago I got a great deal on a 50 pound box of condoms, and I want to get my money’s worth.’

The funny thing is, there is no “why” about it, really.
Some folks are single b/c they are mean and suck. Some are single b/c they are too much fun to share with only one person.
I like the people around me, none of which I hold feelings so deep for or have the desire to throw them down and F’em blue.
One day, it’ll stick, if not, I maintain sole ownership and control of the TV remote and I don’t have to think ‘did he fold the bath towels the way I like them to be folded?”

Here is my statement: I'm cool, I'm happy. I'd like someone to canoodle with but I'm not going bargain shopping, you know. I love you all that care =) Thanks. If you would like, you could channel all that love and care into finding me a co-canoodler =)