All that and no toaster?

Back in the day, a Bank would give you a blender, a toaster, maybe even a commemorative bank calendar depicting great events in American History such as "The Crossing of the Potomac" - a gift from us to you, our loyal customer.
Now, some, just hijack your cash.

I bank a great deal with one particular Bank - mortgage, checking, savings, CD, credit card

A Busy Little Beaver at the main office of My Bank has decided I owe My Bank $293.00 USD.
Instead of informing me of this find, they choose to take my $293 from my checking account with out asking/informing.

I am single - my salary goes to my mortgage people, my credit cards, electric, cable, phone, yadda. I manage to put a little away for a little VayCay (vacation). $293 constitutes groceries, gas for the car, bills, maybe a movie or a book. It's not float for me - it's needed funds.

I called My Bank branch (they're nice, the old lady teller has a crush my on my dad =))- I got the Teller guy who I think secretly has a mohawk b/c of how his hair is styled -"That's not right, let me make a few calls" 10 minutes later, My Bank person calls me back and gives me the low down:
In 1997, I closed a checking account in Richmond VA and that account has accrued $293 in fees.
I beg your pardon?
History - In 1996, I had my car broken into, my back pack with wallet stolen
24 hours later, a 6ft Black man (which I am not) took my ID and one of my checks filled out and signed with my name spelled incorrectly (which I certainly know how to spell) to a bank teller (who I knew well and saw every week when I deposited my merger salary) and cleaned me out - not a penny left. The Result of which A. The teller revisited her procedure policies and her ability to read, B. I recovered every penny from the bank (as it was their poor procedures that allowed the cleaning out as determined by My Banks fraud department) and C. Closed the account ASAP.

My Bank person tracked down the phone number of the BLB for me and called to find out why BLB felt the need to take my money with out asking.

I did not find BLB but I did find the Supervising Beaver of this Money Taking Den.
He said "Huh, that's odd, let me check with the person who tagged this.... [on hold with no music] Well, we have it here that you owe $293 in fees."
"Really? Can you produce bank statements to this affect?" I ask inquisitively
"Well, let me check....[on hold, no music]...Well, we're looking for them" he says with authority
"well, until you find proof I owe this money, which I do not, I'd like my money back" I said with an wee tone
"Don't you have your records?" he asks like I'm an idiot
"Well sir - the burden of proof is yours, poodle, not mine. Your group has taken money from my account without my knowledge or permission - that's called 'stealing' in some places." said mildly annoyed with a pinch of 'don't f*** with me'
"one moment...[on hold, still no music, what's that about] we can't get those records b/c it was almost 10 years ago, so your funds will be back in your account by COB today" he says with a hint of 'oh crap, we f***ed up'
"And the over draft fees I've incurred b/c of all this?" I ask sweetly but with a forked tongue
"Oh, well, i don't hav--" he says trying to regain his authority
"And the over draft fees I've incurred b/c of all this? 'This' meaning your group stealing my money" I reply with balls the size of the Greater Washington DC area, emphasizing the 'stealing' part
"We'll take care of that right away" he says very politely
"Thanks so much! Seriously you guys have been awesome!" I reply like I'm made of honey, sugar cane and Barbie dolls

I called My Bank person to fill him in on the doin's - His words - That's f-ed up, man.. just wrong
Rock on My Bank Person - it is totally f-ed up