when a storm comes through it can wreck through everything you know.  you walk to see what's left of life and it's just a mess, a shamble and you feel like there is no returning from this. your not sure how to start, if there is a start. 

your house, car, pictures, ps3, notebooks, dvds, bikes, favorite sweaters.  rebuilding takes some time. gotta get through insurance, inventory and planning. contractors start to come in. the suck of fighting a company who wants to put a dollar sign on the value of your life.   sort through muck the and find a jacket or a desk that made it through.  you gather up a recipe book and an album and you know things are on a good path.  then you find your favorite chair, squished to pieces and you member reading you favorite book with your kids in that chair. you remember a christmas where uncle dave fell asleep in that chair so the rest of family proceed to decorate him with tinsel and lights as he snores a symphonia of unknown proportions.  and that first day comes back.  the shock of seeing, the flow of tears that never seem to stop.  you remember every painful minute and it sucks, it just f***ing sucks.

then you pick up the swatch of that chair and keep remembering, but you keep going. you push on, let the tears come pouring out, and keep going. you stop here and there of have a moment and you keep going.  1 month then 2 then 4. you keep going. you make it through.

you weather the weather

october 5 will be 6 months since the we lost dad. it was 

it was a friday morning. 

it was the storm we knew was coming and no matter how much we prepared, i remember every minute of it. i remember thinking we might not find our family flow with him not in it.  

today, is gonna suck. today i'm gonna walk through that day over and over again.  and i'll finish the expense reports and the power points.  i'll get the meeting ready and travel booked.  i'll stop and have a good cry and then make copies and keep going.   

october 6 will be my first birthday without dad.

i'll weather through, it's gonna suck, but i'll get there. 


 my first birthday with dad

my first birthday with dad